do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
