I CAN MOONWALK!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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