This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize