Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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