I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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