dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
