I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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