walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
