So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
