Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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