Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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