I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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