so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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