I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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