South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
