Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
