He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
