So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
