Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
