We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She's the barista slut.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
