I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He's on the porch naked. Help.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
