I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
