Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
