Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
