Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
