so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
