I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
