the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
