where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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