My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
