One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
