So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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