I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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