Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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