ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
