i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dignity is for republicans.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
