no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
