dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
