What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
