Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
