You work out of a Hotel?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
