after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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