I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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