I cannot find my penis.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize