his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
