Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
