Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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