Your face is a jimmy john
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
