Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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