I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize