Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
