I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
