Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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