thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
