plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
