Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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