I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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