It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
