my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
