Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
