you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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