Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
