why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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